


Coming To Terms With It

by VolatileHellion



Category: Dragon Age II
Genre: F/M, Gen, Other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-03-31
Updated: 2011-03-31
Packaged: 2017-10-17 10:50:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,131
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/176097
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/VolatileHellion/pseuds/VolatileHellion
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Hawke comes to terms with the death of her mother with the help of her friends. Spoilers for Act 2. F! Hawke/Fenris.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Coming To Terms With It

Since the death of her mother, Arianna Hawke spent more time alone than in the company of her friends. Her bedroom had become her safe haven, interrupted only by Bodahn when he brought her up food and drink or by Fenris when he stopped by for his reading lessons. She had not wanted to spend time socialising with the others, thought that she would rather punch herself multiple times in the face than sit in the Hanged Man getting drunk with Isabela, or listen to Merrill constantly bleating. Why should she waste her time socialising when she felt so much more comfortable in her own company right now? They all said that they understood, and had left her alone for the most part. But sometimes they still came over, and she refused to see them.

The only time she had stepped foot outside of the mansion was for the funeral. The service had been sombre and full of people making out they had known Leandra Hawke. They hadn’t. The Grand Cleric had overseen the service, tried to console Hawke that her mother was now with the Maker and He was looking after her.

Hawke wasn’t so sure. The Maker hadn’t looked out for Leandra in life, so why would He be doing so when she was dead?

She had consoled herself afterwards by copious amounts of wine from her kitchens. She sat alone in the kitchen, elbows on the wooden table and pouring herself glass after glass of wine. It had hit her incredibly quickly, the tears pouring down her cheeks. That was how Fenris found her, head in her hands and sobbing. He had sat next to her, took the wine away and just held her, saying nothing but just letting her cry.

Now, she sat alone in her room again, a book in her hands. She had picked it from the library, ready to give to Fenris when he came over. It was his visits that were keeping her going, something that she looked forward to immensely. Despite the fact that their relationship had been on hold since that fateful night, he still kept coming over. The whole situation just confused her, why had he pushed her away if he still wanted to spend time with her?

There came a knock at her bedroom door, the voice of Bodahn quietly filtering through, “Fenris is here to see you my Lady…”

“Send him in Bodahn,” she replied flatly.

The door opened, and the quiet footfalls on the carpet told her that Fenris was stood close by. She did not look up, instead just held the book out for him, “I picked you out another one, if you want to start reading it…”

The Lyrium marked Elf sat next to her on her bed, “The others are downstairs…”

“Others?” She looked up at him, saw concern etched on his face, saw the care in his beautiful green eyes, “What? I don’t want to see them…”

He gently took her hand, and she noticed that he wasn’t wearing his spiked gauntlets. In fact, he was not wearing any kind of armour at all; in fact he was wearing a pair of fine trousers and a satin shirt.

“You look different…” she said quietly

He shrugged, “Tonight is not a night for fighting,” he said, his deep voice sending shivers down her spine, “And besides, I still have my sword if I need it. Hawke, Isabela and Anders are downstairs…”

“I don’t want to see them…”

He smiled, “They came to make sure you are ok. They’re worried about you…they’re your friends…”

After a moment she stood up and moved across to the window, “I appreciate it, I do but…”

Fenris sighed, “I know there is nothing I can do or say that will stop your grief. But if you would just let us be there for you…maybe it will help to get back to some form of normality?”

She shook her head, “Normality was life before we had to come to this city. Normality was life in Lothering before the blight, before Bethany was taken to the Circle, before mother…” she stopped herself, hearing another knock at the door. She ignored it, turned back to Fenris and studied him, “My mother was so happy for the two of us…I never had the heart to tell her that…things were on hold…”

He said nothing, just looked at his Lyrium infused hands, “What do you want me to say?”

She shook her head, “It doesn’t matter. I just miss her…that’s all…”

Behind them, the door to the room opened making Hawke snap her head up. Stood there, branding a bottle of brandy and grinning like a fool was Isabela. Behind her, looking a little uncomfortable was Anders, “Well, considering as how you weren’t going to answer I thought we’d come in anyway” said Isabela with a giggle, “And I do hate to break up this touching scene but I think the four of us have some talking to do!”

She swept into the room and threw herself on the bed, “Any glasses up here or shall we drink from the bottle?”

She couldn’t help herself as she caught Bela’s eye, but she started smirking, “You had all this planned didn’t you?”

Anders leant against the fireplace, arms crossed, “Isabela had all this planned, despite me telling her that Justice doesn’t let me get drunk anymore, she said it would be fun to try. And besides that Hawke, we were worried. No one other than Fenris has seen you in weeks…and so Bela thought it would be a good idea for the four of us…” he glared at Fenris, “To get together, share some drinks, help you feel better and discuss things. A lot has been happening…”

Hawke nodded and moved to her cupboard where she pulled out four large glasses. She said nothing as she took the bottle from Bela and began pouring the drinks for all of them. After handing them around, she sat herself on the floor, “I know. Things are getting worse in the city…the Arishok is getting a bit too big for his boots according to Bodahn.”

“That’s not the half of it!” said Isabela, draining her glass and grabbing the bottle, “Word is he’s becoming restless with what happened to the explosives…and he’s refusing to leave Kirkwall…”

“You refuse to go anywhere near the compound Isabela” muttered Anders, sniffing his drink and wrinkling his nose, “Maker’s frilly knickers, Justice is kicking up such a stink about the fact I’m even contemplating drinking this!”

“Just drink it Mage!” growled Fenris, grabbing the bottle from Isabela.

“The bottom line is Hawke, we need you back. And I know HE wants you back” she waved a hand in Fenris’ direction, “Considering as how he hasn’t stopped brooding since you went into seclusion. All of us need you back; you’re the one that keeps us all together despite our different beliefs, the one who believes in us. And no matter how much we enjoy taking the piss out of him giving you the puppy dog eyes, we would much rather you be there to take the brunt of it…”

She drank to hide her embarrassment.

***

Despite the haze of the alcohol in her system, she was determined not to sleep. Sleep brought her too many nightmares, nightmares of her mother’s face plastered on that horrific creation. Upstairs Anders had drunk himself silly and was passed out on the bed, his head resting on Isabela’s bust. She had no idea where Fenris was, but imagined he had slunk away at some point earlier to escape the embarrassment and the conversations he did not want to hear.

Hawke had taken herself downstairs to the library and pulled a chair in front of the fire. Tanis, her mabari war hound sat at her feet, his head resting on her knees. He was a dog that you could count on, a member of her family who showed her so much loyalty that she did not truly deserve. She was thankful that he was there however.

Isabela’s comments from earlier kept ringing in her ears. Did Fenris truly still have feelings for her? Is that why he had disappeared, too embarrassed by Isabela’s personal comments? She had drunk through the embarrassment however, it was the only way she could drown out Isabela’s voice.

And she hadn’t stopped drinking. After coming downstairs she had opened another bottle and sat swigging it from the bottle. She knew she would feel horrific the following morning, but it mattered not. Getting drunk was helping her make sense of things. And she knew that her friends were right, she could not stay here locked away, and she had to get back into the swing of things. She had to make her mother proud. Everything she would do from this point on would be for her mother, for her remaining family. She would make her uncle Gamlen proud of her, would make Bethany proud. And she would do the right thing.

After a moment she stood up, placed the bottle on the mantelpiece and moved over to one of her bookshelves. She was dizzy, but managed through the haze to pick out a book.

“Why did you run off Fenris?” she muttered, her words slurring slightly, “Was what they said too much for you? Why won’t you just admit…?”

She was interrupted by a hand on her shoulder. Yelping, the book fell from her hand and she turned. But there was nothing to be afraid of; it was Fenris once more in his armour. He gave her a small smile, and his green eyes twinkled, “You’re drunk.”

“So are you.”

“It’s Isabela’s fault…” he bent down and picked the book up, “I’m sorry I just left, I had to think…”

“It was what Isabela said wasn’t it?”

He nodded, ran his fingers across the front cover of the book before gently slotting it back into place on the bookshelf, “Her words…got to me. And when plied with alcohol I don’t want to…hurt anyone if I get angry…”

She nodded, “I understand.”

“I don’t think you do” he muttered, moving to the fire and staring into the flames, “Because what she said really hit home…there are things that I think about you, but am not ready to admit even to myself…”

“What do you mean?” she asked, gently flicking a strand of dark hair away from her forehead

He looked up at her then, his eyes haunted as if he were about to cry. And as he spoke, his voice cracked with emotion, “I have…never felt this way about anyone…and it is…frightening for me…and I realise more and more each day that...” he trailed off, “But all I can do right now is be your friend. Now is not the time for admitting feelings, you have a lot of things to work through and I will be there by your side as you do. And for me, I have to do a lot of thinking, and come to terms with my past before I can admit anything…”

“Thank you Fenris,” she whispered

“Why are you thanking me?” his face hardened, “I walked away from you!”

She shrugged, “Because now I know where I stand…” she smiled then, gently placed a hand on his cheek, “And I knew all along Fenris, how you felt. Don’t worry…I will wait for you…”

She turned away then, stopping briefly to pick up her bottle. All Fenris could do was watch as she walked out of the room, swaying as she left. It was all he could do to stop himself from stopping her and taking her there and then. She was all he could think about, haunted his every thought. When they sat here in this library reading he could not take his eyes off her lips. He had never felt this way about anyone, and after their night together it had frightened him. He had spent so long in slavery, had never been thought of as a man rather than a slave, and there was a woman who believed in him and treated him like an equal. It was a lot for him to come to terms with, and although he had barely been able to put how he felt into words he was glad she understood.

And kind of glad that she would have forgotten everything by morning.

Smiling to himself he took a book from the shelf and placed it under his arm before slowly exiting the mansion. He would keep coming back too, if only to build up the strength to tell Arianna Hawke that he truly loved her.


End file.
